Feeling far from God

The Way Back Home

I’ve been stuck out here in the boondocks with my dad and brother way too long. Can you say boring? I’ve heard so many cool stories of wild parties, crazy times, and close friends. But not me. Nope. It’s all about working the farm every dang day.

Iknew it would crush my dad. He was sitting on the porch, breaking open some peanuts. I opened the door, put my hand on his shoulder and whispered, “Hey, Dad. You know that money you said you had saved up to give me one day?” His whole body froze. He dropped the bag of peanuts. Didn’t even look up. Before he could say anything I continued, “Can I get it now?” How could I be so hard-hearted? He didn’t yell or even argue. He just went to his room and got the money. I felt so cheap. “I see you decided to go on your own. Please be careful, my son. I love you.” We both started to cry a bit, so I just picked up my tiny backpack and walked out.

I hitched a ride with many truckers, over many days. I was about a thousand miles from home sitting in my tenth bar. Where’s all that fun? All I know is I woke up that morning with a horrible hangover. I had reached into my pockets and was shocked. They were empty! I spent everything my dad gave me over two weeks buying drinks in random bars to impress the ladies. One of ‘em ripped me off. I did some very wicked stuff. Now I’m busted inside and out. Flat broke. Well, now I know what the term “loser” means. Too bad being stupid doesn’t pay. I’d be rich. I spent the next few weeks shivering at night while sleeping in back alleys. One cool trucker actually gave me a blanket. I walked in and out of so many bars hoping somebody would say, “Hey, buddy. Here’s what you were looking for. We all want you as a friend. Here’s that wild, fun time you wanted to find.” Only good friends I had were the cats screeching at night.

I was desperate and starving, like a dirty bum. Couldn’t catch a ride so I started just walking. I came to a farm and begged the owner for work. He walked me out to his barn, looked me in the face, chuckled, and put a shovel in my hand. Pointing to a huge pen of pigs, he laughed, “Here ya go, buddy. Have fun. Shovel them the slop outta the back of that pickup. I’ll give ya twenty bucks.” It was disgusting. Could barely stand it, but hadn’t eaten in 3 days. So I actually fed myself a handful of that pig slop. Couldn’t believe it. Kept picturing my dad’s face sitting on the porch. I just started talking to him: “Hey, dad. How are you? I was so stupid, dad. I’m so, so sorry. You didn’t deserve this.” I wonder if he would ever give me another chance?

If I could just talk to him right now, I’d say “Dad, I need you. I was wrong, I can’t make it on my own. Can I come back home? I’ll work like a slave. I don’t deserve to be your son.”

Suddenly, I came to my senses and logically progressed through my options.

I threw the shovel down and started the journey on my way back home. Took me half the time. But now, on the final road to my house, the sun is shining in my face. So I can’t make out the figure running out to meet me. Is that my neighbor or brother? As I squint, I see him. Are you kidding me? It’s my dad! I had never seen him run before. But now, he is running... out to meet me! Oh, dad, dad. We embrace. Both of us are weeping. I try to fall to his feet, but he stands me erect and falls to mine. He takes off my smelly shoes and pulls out new ones.

Then he replaces my filthy torn shirt and wraps me in this warm, brand-new, leather jacket. He holds me so tight and says, “I’ve been watching for you every night since you left. I love you, my son. I love you so much. You have no idea. You mean everything to me. I see the pain of regret in your eyes, but you must know nothing has changed my love for you, my son. All those nights I’d wonder where you were and what you were doing. Now we are here and this is all that matters.” I collapse into his arms. All my regret and pain fades. We hug each other tight. Then, ever so slowly, we walk home together, his arm over my shoulder.

That moment meant more than all the time I’d spent running away. It brought me healing that I never thought I could have. I felt so rich inside. It was as if we looked directly into each other’s heart. What I saw was that all the contentment I was seeking out in the world, is right here with my father. The beautiful silence said more than a library of words. If I had never run away, would I have ever discovered my father’s love?

His love saved my life. It gave me life. It became my life.19 I found myself in my father’s embrace. 27

This story is taken from parable written in Luke 15:11-31